Closing Up Shop

After Disaster Preparedness pushed me into a fearful, self-loathing, anxious spiral that lasted enough weeks that I’m shocked to count it a month, after a hideous stomach flu kept me from movement or even productive thought for three days, after feeling like garbage for having personal problems when it feels like the world’s going more and more to hell every day, I feel different. More like an actual adult, which is handy, as I turned twenty-five this year. Maybe it’s because I’m about to hit my two year anniversary in the city. Maybe it’s because I literally dream of IKEA.

Whatever it is, I’m definitely on the other side of something. But this blog definitely lies in that undetermined territory at my back. Last week, I sat down to review Ex Machina, a film I found challenging and fascinating, and instead of feeling like an exciting way to capture my thoughts on the film, it felt like a burden. Not just of exertion, but also of metaphorical weight.

To be honest, the Literary Omnivore has felt that way for a while: like I’ve been consuming media to hit deadlines, instead of consuming media to engage with it, chaining myself to a system I came up with when I was eighteen for the sake of perpetuating it despite radical changes in my life and availability. I realize that sounds absurd, but I rely so much on adhering to self-constructed systems and protocols in order to function properly, let alone optimally, that it takes me a very long time to realize that a.) something is wrong and b.) I have the ability to do something about it. I have immense difficulty standing up for myself, even and especially to myself.

But I know what I have to do about it now. And that’s close up shop.

I’m not going away. The purpose of this blog was always to have a living, breathing journal of my media consumption (starting with books and expanding radically out since then). I’m going to keep doing that in a weekly format at a new blog, The Omnivore’s Almanac. It’ll be real informal, real low stakes: just one post, every Sunday, about what media I’ve been consuming. That gets me what I want without getting me where I don’t need to be.

Feel free to follow me over there. Feel free not to. If you’re reading this, thanks for doing so at any point over the last six and a half years, and have a lovely rest of your day.

All the best,
Clare

9 thoughts on “Closing Up Shop

  1. Thanks for all the work you put into your weekly reviews. I consider you one of the best reviewers out there, and I’ve always enjoyed reading everything you wrote. I’m excited to see whatever you do next!

  2. I can relate to your feeling that what was once a good fit no longer is. I love your take on things, but you owe me nothing. Whatever you’re doing must work for you, first and foremost. Bon voyage! Enjoy the next phase!

  3. I was very mopey while reading the first two-thirds of this post, but I cheered up mightily to learn that you will still be posting your thoughts on what you read and watch etc. YAY I am glad that your writing and ideas will not be gone from my life!

    I’m sorry, too, that you ended up in such a funk after reading the Havrilesky book. It seems unfair that a well-intentioned book and a lovely A+ person such as yourself should in combination produce such a toxic result. I hope you are coming out of it a little bit, and if not I hope you are being kind and patient with yourself. What’s good for one person is often terrible for another, and you shouldn’t have to feel any kind of way about what works for Havrilesky. HUGS TO YOU LIEUTENANT COLONEL.

  4. I’m sorry things have been difficult for you. While I love this blog and have gotten many a good book recommendation from it, I look forward to seeing what comes next. I’m proud of you for realizing that the current system isn’t working for you anymore and even prouder of you for taking steps to find something better. I know that’s hard. Take care of yourself and let’s catch up sometime soon!

  5. Your life is your personal and unique journey, much like a treasure map you find some lovely coves made only for rest in order to get stronger for the next part of the journey.
    Your blog has been a breath of fresh air, personal and particularly well written. A joy to read!
    Also, if I may say so , Madame McBride is a hoot!!!!!

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