I’ve become obsessed with turning picture frames into dry erase boards. It’s cheap, it’s easy, and you can put anything you want in the frame to “write” on. Above my desk at home, I have two: a big one that functions as my blogging and writing calendar and a smaller one listing outstanding reviews and projects. It’s been very successful; I even have a posting buffer for the first time in years (she said, immediately jinxing it).
Above my bed, though, I just have one, where I write down inspirational quotes. (I also have a framed photo of Billy Idol, because everybody should have a dream punk over their bed.) Until a few days ago, it read “Don’t look back: you’re not going that way.” It’s the kind of pat aphorism you see on shirts at Forever 21. (Which is exactly where I saw it.) Nonetheless, I’ve been finding it very useful. My anxiety likes to trick me into obsessing over and fixating on the past; specifically, on past mistakes I’ve made, real and imagined, and what those mistakes really mean about my character. But the past is a country we cannot visit again; all we can do is acknowledge what we’ve done and move on. Having a written reminder to look forward instead of succumb to the occasional bout of self-pitying self-reflection was good and useful for me.
In that context, feels weird to stop and look back purposefully and positively, even though Chani Nichola’s horoscope for Aries extols us rams to do exactly that this week; to let the sediment settle, in her beautiful words. I didn’t even realize it was my blogging anniversary until this morning, which is less a function of how much I value this blog and more a function of how under the weather I am. Sinus funk (I believe that’s the scientific term) always manages to significantly disable my anxiety—by pretty effectively disabling a majority of my mental processing power. I’m perfectly capable of writing, of course, but I’m not as perfectly capable of stringing two thoughts together as I usually am.
So, for those two reasons, this anniversary post isn’t the usual look back for me. Instead, I’m looking ahead. I’m excited about joining Lady Business. I’m excited about the holiday season and themed media consumption. In fact, I’m excited about my reading and viewing in a way I haven’t been for some time; I watched a movie the day it was recommended to me on Saturday. And that was nice.
I’m headed this way any which way, so thanks for taking the time to join me, kittens. I’d be honored if you continued.