So, as you may have guessed, there is no film review this Friday, as per my rigorous posting schedule. If you haven’t ever read it, it goes like this: Monday, book review or new film review. Wednesday, book review. Friday, film review. Sunday, the Week in Review. And a post on Saturday if I’m feeling frisky. I used to post even more than that, back in college, but that’s the schedule and pace that I determined on a while back.
And I just can’t keep that up anymore.
I am not the carefree college student I once was, friends—I’m a woman grown. My life is different now. For the first time in my life, the amount of cool things I want to do exceed the amount of things that I can actually do, both in terms of time and in terms of energy. It’s wonderful and awful all at the same time—it’s been a little startling to find myself morphing into CLARE, GOTH QUEEN OF THE INTROVERTS in the middle of doing something that I want to be doing. (Which I wouldn’t mind so much if it came with a great transformation sequence.)
For the past year, I’ve been running myself ragged trying to maintain this blog at the same clip I could in college—three reviews a week. I’m not sure when that tipped over into barely possible, but it was around the point when I realized that telling myself that I’d catch up to the luxurious posting buffers of my college days was a complete and utter lie. But I’m an anxious kind of Aries. I am stubborn and set in my ways and prone to sticking to the scripts that once worked instead of writing new ones, because change is scary, scary, scary. So I’ve kept at it, to the point that it’s no longer fun. Not the reading and the watching and the writing—those are my favorite things to do in the world. But the pace of it all is no longer fun. It forces me to work so fast that I feel like I’m starting to miss the point.
One of my (many, many) mantras at the moment is “Why suffer?” Life is full of things that we must suffer through; there’s precious reason to add to that pile. This schedule is something I imposed on myself, because I work best with schedules and spreadsheets and plans. As an anxious person, I tend to trust those schedules and spreadsheets and plans more than I trust myself, and that’s something I need to break myself out of.
So all of this is to say that I’m slowing down. A bit. To one book review, one film review, and one week in review a week. That schedule’s triad nature appeals to me. I’ll, hopefully, be able to stop and smell the roses. Read longer books. Write better reviews. Write more for other projects and outlets. And, of course, sleep more.
This note is just as much a reminder to me as it is an announcement to you. I’d never abandon The Literary Omnivore—my father once asked me if I would ever stop and I went black in the eyes—but changing something this fundamentally a part of me is always difficult. Telling you instead of just starting the new schedule is a way to keep myself accountable.
See you Sunday.