I’ll cut to the chase, since I’ve had this post scheduled for two weeks; I like campy movie versions of The Three Musketeers, and the universe has responded by releasing the first trailer for The Three Musketeers. I don’t often indulge in the phrase “shaking and crying” (it’s, uh, a thing on the fannish Internets), but I will admit to shaking as I watched this trailer. I think it was my spine trying to wag my nonexistent tail. It’s going to be big and dumb and gorgeous, guys, I love it already. Have a shot by shot analysis, because nobody else will do it.
- 0:06 — From the people who brought you Twilight…
- 0:11 — I have no idea what this is. England? Marseilles?
- 0:16 — Ninjas! Why? I have no idea!
- 0:17 — That’s Orlando Bloom being shot at, by the way. And yes, suppressing Legolas-related squealing hurts.
- 0:22 — Athos, Aramis Darcy, and Porthos. (I love this Porthos design, by the way—a big, fun-loving guy without making him a joke. At least visually. Time will tell.)
- 0:24 — Logan Lerman is basically Chris O’Donnell in the 1993 adaptation of The Three Musketeers in this film, I can tell.
- 0:31 — Why, hello, Milla Jovovich as Milady de Winter.
- 0:32 — Christoph Waltz! Everybody scream! Eee!
- 0:35 — I have no idea why, but I’m convinced they’re at a wedding here. It just reminds of me of The Wedding Singer. (Which is a good thing.)
- 0:36 — Oh, wow, that was McFayden? I had no idea his voice could go that low.
- 0:41 — Not going to lie, some of the sword-fighting in this movie looks stupendous.
- 0:43 — Is this the Musketeer lair? …I kinda like it.
- 0:46 — Gee, I wonder if those are bad guys.
- 0:47 — Why is a practically naked Milady jumping from the palace roof? I doubt context will help this problem.
- 0:48 — I actually can’t wait to see Bloom in this; I think he’ll do well as a baddie.
- 0:50 — I LOVE PORTHOS ALREADY.
- 0:52 — Why is there a ship parked on the palace? And is that Rochefort? (I’m sorry, I only accept Michael Wincott as Rochefort.)
- 0:54 — Oh, I can’t wait to see Waltz tear this thing up.
- 0:56 — This sound effect makes me laugh.
- 1:04 — I have no idea what’s happening in this sequence. But it looks cool.
- 1:13 — Juno Temple as Queen Anne! Who gets to make out with Orlando Bloom! My thirteen-year-old self is screaming at her. (I can’t hate her; look at her, she’s adorable.)
Upon further inspection, it looks like the Duke of Buckingham has parked his ship on the palace. For what reason, I cannot even begin to ponder, unless we’re getting into weirdly allegorical territory. But the cast looks fun, the action looks solid, and everybody looks gorgeous. I seriously doubt this will be a good movie, but I think it’ll be a fun movie.
I’m home for the weekend for Easter; I’ve been desperately seeking summer employment and watching Doctor Who and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I finished Maps and Legends and picked up Sharpe’s Eagle, which I’m enjoying so far. I’ve also picked up the audiobook of Sabriel, read by Tim Curry, but the discovery that that’s an edition of Brideshead Revisited read by Jeremy Irons has me thoroughly distracted.
The Tor/Forge Blog is giving away a Hellhole prize package to newsletter subscribers until April 30th. Allie at Hist-Fic Chick is giving away five copies of Claude & Camille until an unspecified date. The Tor/Forge blog is giving away an enormous young adult library until May the 3rd; you need to subscribe to their newsletter to enter. The Baen Free Library is full of free downloads, including The Shadow of the Lion and On Basilisk Station. Night Shade Books is offering Butcher Bird and Grey as free downloads at the moment. Vertigo Comics is offering free downloads of the first issue of several series, including Fables, The Unwritten, and Y: The Last Man. (And you will go download The Unwritten.) If I’ve missed your giveaway or freebie, drop me a line!
What do you think of this adaptation so far?